working through grief

Grieving is a natural stage for humans to go through at the loss of something, or someone. It is said that we humans see our lives as story, so that as the narrative of our lives unfold, changes for us are nothing less than changes in our story, which to some extent we are navigating.

We see grief throughout the Bible, and I think it is a fair point to say that our Lord often was grieved. Jesus wept over his friend Lazarus’ death, as well as over Jerusalem because the people would not receive him. And the prophet in words fulfilled in Jesus said that he was a man of sorrows and familiar with suffering (or, grief). The psalms are full of tears, and then there is Jeremiah, “the weeping prophet.” Not to mention the Book entitled Lamentations.

So grief is an intricate part of our humanity, expressed in a number of ways, some healthy and some not. Grief involves change and reality. People grieve over all sorts of things: loss of a loved one, loss of a dream, loss of a job, etc. Loss is at the heart of grief. We’ve lost something, and are often at a loss to know how to deal with it.

This is where we need others who understand. We are told in scripture to weep with those who weep. So we need to be both on the giving and receiving end of this kind of emotional support. Job’s friends started well that way, though in spite of any good intentions did not do well afterward. We need human support.

And we need help from God. We read in the psalms that God is the one who lifts up the psalmist’s head. There is indeed a time to weep and a time to laugh (Ecclesiastes). Nehemiah told God’s people to stop weeping at a certain point over their sins, because first of all the joy of the Lord is their strength. The psalmist said weeping may last all night, but joy comes in the morning. And we read in the Book of Revelation at the end of the Story, that God will himself wipe away all tears, that there will be no more death, mourning nor pain, since the old order of life will be gone.

In the meantime we still weep over loss. We need to accept this as a necessary part of life. We should look at weeping as the opportunity to draw near to God, repent of sin, pray for others. We must avoid worldly ways of coping with loss. Part of which is to live in denial of it in one way or another. Or to let our hearts become hardened, rather than softened. At the same time God is not averse at all to us asking him the hard questions. God wants us to look to him, and cast our troubles and cares on him. He will sustain us as we do, and will be with us through the deepest darkness, never to leave us nor forsake us.

I’ve only touched the surface on grief. In the end there is no exact formula nor answer. It must be a matter of meeting God, and finding God’s help. Of remaining in fellowship with friends who can pray for us, and we for them. Let us not seek to avoid, or rush through grief. Let us walk slowly through it, with God. And find our way in Jesus for the good and joy of others. God has the answer in his working even if we never understand it. We can know God’s peace.

love discerns

Last week Bill Crowder made an important distinction for us in chapel, in a way I had never heard before. In Paul’s last letter he reflects on his life and makes an important distinction which we do well to make ourselves. Paul contrasts the sins of those who are enemies of the gospel with those of Jesus’ friends. Alexander the coppersmith had done Paul a great deal of harm. Paul simply said that the Lord will repay him for what he had done, and warned others to beware of him. Fellow believers, brothers in the work had abandoned him when he was under fire in his trial. Paul simply stated his desire that the Lord not hold that against them.

We do inevitably let others down in our human weakness, which includes frailties and sins.  Which means others let us down as well. Love is said to cover over a multitude of sins. At the same time we know that there are enemies in the world. We’re told to love our enemies, pray for them, do good to them, never returning evil with evil, but rather with good. Leaving all vengeance in God’s hands. And also that we’re to be wise as serpents, but harmless as doves. So while we wish the salvation of all enemies, we know that in time if they don’t repent God will judge. While for those who seem to have failed us and are believers, we forgive and pray and work toward renewed fellowship with them.

This can help us in our attitudes. In my Friday post on anger I mentioned Jesus calling Judas a friend, to the end. But we can’t see believers failing us as examples of what Judas did. After all, we read that Judas was not really clean through the word Jesus had spoken, as the other disciples were. We need to forgive everyone in our hearts when they wrong us, believers as those who are family members with us in Jesus. Perhaps gently reproving them, but more likely just praying for them. And sometimes necessarily for their good going to them to tell them their sin, just as Jesus instructs us, so that they might repent. Our lives are to be characterized by the love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

This helps me make a necessary distinction which means I should be thinking and acting and especially praying out of love, and not out of anger. Anger may have its place, but it should be resolved quickly so that we act on what the anger is telling us. And live the life of love, in Jesus, to which God calls us in this world. A life creative in forgiving and giving of God’s love in Jesus to each other, and to the world.

I tried to represent what Bill Crowder (a fine Bible teacher and speaker for RBC Ministries) said as I understood it.

Miroslav Volf on “taking God to court”

Calling “right” what is manifestly wrong, just to be on God’s side, is no way to speak rightly of God. Precisely because God is loving, truthful, and just, God will not put up with deceitful justifications of the unjustifiable even if it takes the form of humble piety.

From one angle, the Book of Job is all about the question of what it means to speak rightly of God in the face of innocent suffering. Did the friends who defended God speak rightly, or did Job, who wanted to take God to court? The book ends with a censure of one of Job’s friends: “For you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has” (42:7).

Certainly, to argue with God, to complain against God, to hurl accusations against God is not all one ought to say about God. Jacob knew that,  and said as much when he warned Eliezer that God would fall upon him for dishonesty. Jacob “grumbles” and Job wants to take God to court precisely because they believe in the ultimate triumph of God’s justice in the world. To speak rightly about God in the world of innocent suffering requires argument, complaint, and accusation. Their absence would not only entail the hypocrisy of false reverence instead of true worship, as Jacob argued. It would also entail the hopelessness of merely putting up with suffering instead of seeking to overcome it.

Miroslav Volf, Against the Tide: Love in a Time of Petty Dreams and Persisting Enmities , 34.

The reference to Jacob and Eliezer is based on a story by Thomas Mann in Joseph and His Brothers.

prayer

Lord of all power and might, the author and giver of all good things: Graft in our hearts the love of your Name; increase in us true religion; nourish us with all goodness; and bring forth in us the fruit of good works; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Book of Common Prayer

reconcilation in Jesus at the heart of the gospel

Today is the anniversary of this important speech from one of the greatest leaders of the twentieth century, the “I have a dream” speech by Martin Luther King, Jr. Here is the transcript of the speech along with audio of its entirety. And here is the entire speech on YouTube.

We’ve come a long way in this country, but we’re not home yet. And indeed in this world where sin is still at rule in many hearts and places, there will always be the need of justice applied to wrongs being done. And laws set in place, hopefully helping society to standards more in keeping with righteousness. While morality can’t be legislated into the heart, all society needs to have basic rules, starting at seemingly mundane levels like speed limits to making homicide a crime. From a law that is applied equally to all, so that no one is above the law.

Though we need to be careful what laws are legislated, we do need to have within society laws which prohibit racism in its various forms. As obvious ones fall in place, like desegregation, the more subtle forms of racism such as hiring discrimination can go on. This requires all the more wisdom with laws, if and when needed, which seek to facilitate both freedom and racial justice.

What is often neglected or not known is how racial justice and harmony are at the heart of the gospel of Jesus. Sin separates humanity from God and from each other. The dividing wall spelled out in scripture between Jews and Gentiles does not stop there. Though that is basic in understanding how the gospel is opened up to all humanity, beyond God’s chosen people who were to be the bearers and light of this good news for the world, which of course was completed in Jesus, and goes on in him.

There are other walls today, besides that marked indelibly in our American history. Walls between people, even between husbands and wives, and parents and children. Which can be broken down through Jesus, and the reconciliation to God and to each other which he alone brings.

The gospel of Jesus Christ, and the great salvation it brings results in reconciliation both to God and to others through Jesus. We in Jesus are to live out that gospel, even the means of it in the once for all salvation Jesus accomplished in his death and resurrection. This means we’re to love our enemies. And we’re to invite all into our friendship, and into the life in Jesus.

So we can thank God today for the life and legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. And I highly recommend a chapter by Philip Yancey on him, a most balanced and fair treatment which both recognizes his flaws as well as his gift from God.

Thanks to Theary C. Seng through whom I found this link.

working through anger

My own initial reaction when I think a wrong has been done is often anger. But we’re told in scripture to be slow to become angry. At the same time scripture does not endorse a Stoic mentality. We find anger throughout the psalms and even in the life of Jesus. What can we make of this?

Of course we need to keep in mind that our anger can be misguided. We may not know the full story. In a sense we can never know it, not as God does, so that perhaps we should always hold reservations about any of our anger. God’s anger is one thing; our anger is certainly another.

Interestingly the same passage in James which tells us to be slow to anger also says that our anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires.

I’m glad that we can let out our anger before God, and that I can be honest to my wife as well. But I also think we characteristically need to cast all of our care on the Lord, which includes the cause of our anger. The answer does not lie in us, but in the Lord.

On the cross Jesus prayed, “Father forgive them, for they know not what we do.” This is harder when friends seem to betray friends, or ourselves. But we need to take Jesus’ example there as well, who called Judas “friend” to the end.

We must leave the outworking of things, or justice for wrongs done in God’s hands. We’re never to return evil with evil, but rather with good. And we’re to realize that God’s great salvation in Jesus is about making all things right, as well as new. Of course we can’t understand or necessarily see the outworking of that in this life. God’s ways are different than our own. But it is important that we don’t let anger take us down and out as to our life in Jesus as his followers in this world.

slowing down with reference to commitments

It is interesting that though Jesus is Deity, he being human meant that he could be at only one place at a time. He had to sleep like every other human. With the same hours in a day everyone else had. So that there was only so much he could do in a day, and during his lifetime, even in the approximately three years of his remarkable ministry.

I used to say “yes” to every request for help. And not as a rule ever praying about it. I figured there was a need, and I could help in fulfilling that need. That mentality showed up in my factory work as well. We have a job in which multitasking is necessary. But we also are a team. So that I’m now stepping back some, to leave more room for others.

This is all a part of my slowing down, as I’ve recently posted on. We need to work and live according to both the general call of God in Jesus, and the unique calling each of us has within that call. And we need to work at keeping first things first. Our relationship with God and others, particularly our own family, as well as those God puts in our path. That is what’s crucial.

Sometimes we have to let go, to learn to do that. If something is of God, he will make that clear to us over time. We should not grasp at any chance to be active, often in a quest to be significant, or to prove our significance. We’re already significant in the eyes of God, and through Jesus we have our place in God’s kingdom and in his working. But first and foremost in the love of God in the Community of the Trinity, and from that, in relationships with others in this world.

I want to be careful on the other hand that I don’t simply lay down and am out, as to being involved in God’s work in Jesus. But if I’m not living out of a sense of rest within the yoke of Jesus, learning from the one who is gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, then I am not where I need to be.

facing trouble

Jesus promised us his help in this world. John 13-16 is his discourse to his disciples on the eve of his crucifixion and death. Followed by his high priestly prayer in John 17. He ends the discourse with these words:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

We can see from these words that we need to read the entire discourse and ponder it for a time. We live in a world and existence prone to trouble. Really everywhere we turn, and in a multitude of ways. And I’m among those in the human race who is prone to worry.

Jesus’ words here speak of his victory over the world. He would achieve this in his death and resurrection, i.e., in his glorification. And we overcome the world through faith in Jesus. Through belief in his person, coming and salvation.

That may seem simplistic, but God’s salvation encompasses all of life in every way imaginable. We need not fear. Nothing is outside the scope of God’s great salvation in Jesus. Whatever it is that we really need in this life will be provided for us, as we trust in God through Jesus.

We indeed by faith need to rest in this salvation, but we also need to work through the issues in this life, the troubles which we face through this salvation. In James we’re promised in the midst of trials needed wisdom from God when we ask him for that in faith.

The whole question ends up becoming: How do we face trouble in this life? Trouble is inevitable, as Jesus said. But it’s how we walk through it that is in itself a witness to the gospel and our faith in Jesus.

That is both a challenge to me, as well as an encouragement. I want to walk through whatever it is, knowing the Lord is with me, in the fellowship of others in Jesus. And for the good of others in God’s love in Jesus for the world.

the Lord’s convicting work

Oftentimes many of us humans are more than ready to simply mark ourselves off as “no good,” and therefore perhaps unwittingly render ourselves outside the pale of God’s good convicting, correcting work. Or we may be quick to accept any thought of correction to us, whether from someone else or more likely from within ourselves, as viable. So that we are quick to accept it, make a point of doing so, and then go on with little or no change. Or we may struggle over pride, not wanting to give into something we’re either too proud to admit, or else not completely sure of. Whether or not what we’re thinking or being told holds water. It may be that our entire context is skewed, and what concerns us should be of no concern at all. The good that could come out of this is that we’re brought to reflect on the error of our ways in comparing ourselves with each other, which Paul tells us is not wise.

The Lord’s convicting work may take some time, and come over time. But it will become clear. We will not be taken on some guilt trip, in which we feel guilty, but are unclear as to what we’re to do about it. God’s word talks about a repentance that is worldly and leads to death. Judas would be a case in point. He even confessed his sin to the religious authorities who wrote him off. Something was wrong.

The Lord’s convicting work clarifies, and we won’t be left wondering. I am one of those people who naturally critiques what I do as well as what I fail to do over the course of a day. And I can end up on some sort of guilt trip. But one in which I only have some vague sense of what is wrong. I have found that I need to go to God in prayer, spend some time in the word, and keep at it. The Spirit in time will make something clear to me, even if it is that I should have no concern at all over some matter.

Of course the Spirit’s convicting work will always be in line and in harmony with the word that came by the Spirit (i.e., God’s word, scripture). But the Spirit will give a sense of clarity and peace, no less than the Presence of God himself. Or indeed the Lord may convict us so that we are clear as to our wrongdoing, and confess it to him, as well as to anyone we may have offended, or hurt.

This is not to say we are ever sinless. But it is to say we must beware of the accusing finger of the enemy, who is called the accuser of our brothers and sisters, accusing them day and night before God, and we can be sure accusing them to others and to themselves as well.  The Lord’s convicting work is one of love in which we are grieved over our sin, drawing us in, in love. A matter of the heart. And one that is clear. We should act only on the Lord’s convicting work, and on nothing else.

And we should covet and seek that convicting work, especially if and when we’re uneasy about something. But I believe on a regular basis as well. An important part of the tradition of Christian worship is to pray a general confession of our sins, during which we can become specific before God, and to another. And receive God’s forgiveness. Even pronounced over us by another. We need that, and my tradition is the poorer for not practicing it, though I’m thankful we do so in our church.

seeking God’s face

In the psalms we’re told of seeking God’s face. Which means God’s blessing within his covenant of love, which is now fulfilled in Christ. In a way God’s face is not turned toward us, because of our sin. Yet because of God’s covenant work of grace through Jesus, his face has always been turned toward all who seek him. And God in Christ has now reconciled the world to himself, not counting people’s sin against them, and through us his servants would call all humankind to be reconciled to him.

We’re told to seek God’s face, because our faces are not naturally turned to God. I say naturally only in the sense of us being sinners, not in the sense of creation. But actually, again because of God’s covenant grace through Jesus, at least in a true sense God’s face is always turned toward us. Like the father awaiting the return of the prodigal, as Jesus told to the self-righteous religious of his day.

There isn’t a one of us that doesn’t carry some sort of baggage which hinders us in relation to God. Of course first of all, we are sinners. And then our sin and our scars and woundedness keep us from God, except for brief periods when his love breaks through even our defenses, inadvertent as they may be.

Yesterday my wife Deb and I took our customary walk to a coffee place, usually coming straight back as we again did, on our feet the entire time. I left with a sense of inward need, struggling over my life. But also wanting to turn my face toward God’s face, with my heart open to him. It was a beautiful evening, the sun still shining along with a wonderful breeze toward the end of what had been a mildly hot late summer day.

I don’t know precisely when it happened, but a new sense began to dawn on me. A sense of the Lord’s Presence, a sense of my face turned toward God’s face. So that there was peace, a peace which overpowered and overcame all else, as Deb and I continued to carry on a pleasant conversation in the midst of our walk, with coffees (decaf) in hand. In God’s grace he seems to have met me.

I tie this over to my recent venture, largely through our church, and specifically through Sharon Brown, one of our pastors, to enter deeper into communion with God. And in conjunction with what I received as God’s word to me to slow down. And that God would help me work out the meaning of that for my life over time. And related to Christian movements and practices rooted in scripture and tradition.

At any rate I want to major not on Bible knowledge, as important as that continues to be with the help of the Spirit. But I want to major on seeking God’s face, that is really turning my face toward God, so that God can break down all my sinful defenses and avoidance of him, along with healing my woundedness. As I walk together with others in Jesus in the movement of God in his love and mission in the world.