leaving certainty behind

There is a kind of certainty that I want to hold on to, that perhaps I easily make into an idol. So that if something comes along which challenges that certainty, or seems to put it at serious risk, I can be beside myself, wanting nothing more than to get that certainty back. Which at times is impossible. I’m not referring to everything I hold as more or less certain, but just some things which I let my faith and well being be hinged on in some way.

But time and again, and it does seem like just a matter of time, the edifice that seemed so good and helpful comes tumbling down, or is at least in serious need of repair. And if I can do it, I do, yet with the uncertainty that it will survive, whereas before I had taken it for granted.

I end up in the ashes looking for the good that has come out of it, since I do believe that somehow God is sovereign in everything, without God controlling everything. But that God does do many things to help us in ways that we can’t really understand and appreciate at the time.

What may be important for me to take home in this in part is that while there is something good from the past thing which I may be able to hold on to with some appreciation, it is God alone revealed in Jesus who is my portion, who is our portion in Jesus.

In this life there likely will come along something which is better than what we hold on to and want to keep. But when this happens, God may be trying to loosen our grasp on something which we are holding on to too tightly. Which we depend on too much at the risk of not depending on God enough.

So I want to live and work as one whose hands are open and raised up toward God. Ready to be uncomfortable and challenged to the core on things I hold dear, or true, if and when they are challenged. Committed to the one who alone is my certainty and God, in and through Jesus together with others for the world.