holding conversation with God

Our priest, Michael when praying for me in terms of spiritual warfare which was bringing to the fore a major weakness of mine: anxiety with accompanying fear, challenged me to a “fast” in which I would take a week off from blogging and reading other than reading scripture, to concentrate in part on conversing with God. I initially largely dismissed the notion, thinking to myself that I indeed do converse with God, albeit surely in a limited way, in praying in the sense of talking to God as God, but also like I would talk to anyone else. But actually I was and still am weak on this score I think, at least relatively speaking. While I accept that God can and does speak to people in specific ways, I tend to dismiss a good portion of that as imagination or something other than conversation with God. Inclined at the same time to accept at face value what any one I know might be saying in terms of their own experience.

Surprisingly enough to me, this is quite related to the turn in emphasizing God as my Father (in a sense, God is the father of all through creation, in another sense the father of all who are born of the Spirit- another subject). But I began to work on this. What I soon found to be the case for myself, God’s speaking to me was largely in terms of scripture, specifically especially promises in scripture.

What I’m finding now is that it is soon freeing to bring to God whatever thoughts and concerns I might have, that I soon come to the realization by the Spirit that God is indeed my Father, that he will take care of things, that no matter what, he is my Father and he loves me. That is freeing enough by itself, and so far seems to be in significant measure casting out the fear that can so easily beset me.

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