searching for meaning

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
    says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
    Everything is meaningless.”

Ecclesiastes 1

My go to book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes (one of my favorites, anyhow) is an acknowledgment in part of the futility of life, and of thinking that one can find any real meaning under the sun. The idea ends up simply enjoying what is, to the fullest, and not taking it too seriously, since in the end it will all be gone.

But there’s some stealth thoughts interjected along the way, such as the fact that God will judge, which is roundly stated in the end. And that we shouldn’t say much when we enter into the space where God is present for worship, but simply be silent. Those are clues that there may be more to this, to life than what often meets the eye. And in the end again, the charge to fear God and keep his commandments caps what has been an interesting read.

But we shouldn’t be too quick to jump to what we regularly profess and confess. We need to let the weight of the narrative in Ecclesiastes have its affect on us. That is the way we’re to read scripture. And preferably with others.

I think it’s best to embrace the reality of how all these means which are made to be ends are not ends themselves at all. They have usefulness, to be sure, their place in life “under the sun.” But none of them in themselves can fulfill what only God and the promise of God in the grace and kingdom come in Jesus can. But we need to feel the full weight of the emptiness of the endless pursuit of humanity to arrive and achieve. While some satisfaction might be found in it, it will end, and then what? (Another theme in Ecclesiastes.)

We have to look “above” (or beyond) the sun to find meaning in life “under the sun.” The meaning we find won’t be in what is done in this life, but the transcendence which is imminent, and therefore gives meaning either to or in the midst of all that happens here and now. So that while these things in the present are empty and meaningless in themselves, they derive meaning and fullness in the Creator God, and the covenant God makes with humans. A covenant fulfilled in Jesus, full of meaning, which then translates to all the emptiness and meaninglessness down here. In and through Jesus.

keeping at it faithfully, not drifting

Sometimes we experience such grief and downright consternation over life, personal concerns, matters, or whatever, that it seems impossible to keep heart since our heart is utterly broken, or breaking. Or perhaps life is good, and we feel good, with little or no worries. Either way, or with just what can become the numbness of day to day living, we can begin to drift from our God, and in so doing actually from ourselves, since to find and know God is to begin to find and know ourselves, a byproduct of that, not the goal.

I have found myself drifting a bit lately, not purposefully, to be sure. But whatever the challenges faced, it is the heart which one way or another is going to be attacked by the enemy, often through the mind, and when it seems that relationships even in family are not what they ought to be, even sometimes broken, or at least cracked. And so it’s seemed to me that what I do, and certainly whether or not I’m here matters not at all. It’s not like any of us are indispensable, or that God needs us. But God has chosen to include us during this time to his glory in and through Jesus in his good and great work, each of us having a part in that.

But to the point of this post: I realize afresh and anew that I need to keep on keeping on faithfully, for me beginning with my daily meditation in the word, in scripture. Certainly in that with a focus on the gospel, on Jesus. It’s not about looking for some great experience, or any experience at all. God is present with us in Jesus no matter what we’re going through or how we feel. It’s simply about faith in God, and being faithful to the calling of God, yes, in all our weakness, and sometimes sin, or struggle against sin. We want to plod on, and keep going, come what may, by God’s grace, no turning back.

In order to avoid inevitable drifting, we have to simply continue on in the Spirit direction God gives us. That may not always seem obvious, and actually may take some time for us to understand or have a needed breakthrough on a given matter. But part of how we get there is simply by continuing to meditate on the word, and seeking to grow in that meditation. Sometimes to ponder a matter slowly and prayerfully before we sense it’s time to move on. But not stopping. Continuing on in the word, that we might be on the path with others in following Jesus, in and through Jesus.

 

the seeming uneven hand of God

There is no way you can live very long and thoughtfully, and not find the unevenness of life perplexing, even troubling. Why does life happen the way it does? In terms of circumstances, as well as in one’s lot. There are the crack cocaine babies, those born in places that have never heard the gospel, others having to flee their homes in war zones, not to mention atrocities from which people can never fully recover. That’s only the beginning of what we could say. I’m sure the list could go on and on.

Although we can’t say God caused these things—of course some would question whether God caused anything—the Hebrew Bible, First Testament attributes to God everything, since nothing can happen outside of his will. God could stop or prevent anything from happening. We could live in a different world. Everything would make sense to us in that world. No one would tell lies and mislead people. No one would harm people for their own self-interest, or who knows what for?

I have experienced plenty of blessing in my life, but like everyone else, I live under the curse (Genesis 3). The world is far from an agreeable place to live if one is going to take out the fairness, justice card. This is much more the case for some people other than myself, people whose progeny have suffered injustice over generations, and who still do to this day. And the syndrome that comes with that; there are some things most people never gets over at least in the way of shaping them, sometimes actually in good ways.

Turning to scripture can help us here. I think particularly of the story of Job. It is a great help in looking straight in the face the unevenness of the world, and the seeming unevenness of God. Life is messy at best, and traumatic or even catastrophic at worst.

This is where faith comes in. Do I believe in God, even in a good God in spite of the fallout of life? Do I hold on to that belief for dear life, in spite of my numbness, and even anger, in spite of unresolved questions and the reality which flies in the face of easy answers, and wooden empty platitudes? Yes, in the midst of it all, someone can say Romans 8:28 instead of simply being present with us and praying. A handy out for them, it would seem, even if they are completely sincere and only want to help.

But looking at life as it is, we do need to get back to the bedrock of our faith. We need to look both at the details of scripture, and to the gospel, the good news in Jesus. God’s ultimate answer is Jesus, and the cross. How everything shakes out in the end is with reference to that, and how God is at work in the present, as well. We do well to lay hold of the promises of God, like in Proverbs 3:5-6 with that in mind. And as Job would remind us, mystery is a major player, as well. Who can understand what only God can fully understand, if the God of the Bible exists?

Life is uneven now, but there is God in Jesus. We need to stop there, no matter what. That is where we need to take the broken, shattered pieces of our lives, our own brokenness, indeed, ourselves. And in prayer, others, as well.

We look toward an end when all will be grace, flourishing, shalom. When the end will make good sense, even if we never do understand fully what preceded that. All of this always in and through Jesus.

no tell all memoir (from myself)

A memoir from what I can tell is simply a recounting of one’s experience in life. It might be as different as the author who wrote it. Memoir might imply creativity, or at least uniqueness, since we’re giving a subjective account, our actual impression as well as understanding of what happened in our lives. There really is no objective story if one means simply the facts, although in many venues such a goal is desirable, and probably even necessary.

A tell all memoir means no holds barred, which means one can simply let go and explore what one might write with no restrictions whatsoever. Of course we know right away that such a thought might not only be unedifying, but unworkable, or at least always subject to revision. And we need to remember again the subjectivity with which we understand and don’t understand, even misunderstand so much. Only God understands anything at all in all its complexity perfectly. Humility is the watchword here.

It’s interesting to consider the gospel accounts: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. They are all written with a certain goal in mind, John’s account especially explicitly so. To consider Luke’s account (and he wrote Acts as well), Luke in how he wrote might be more in line with how accounts are written today. And yet he’s close enough to the other gospel accounts (especially Matthew and Mark, the three called the synoptic gospels) to help us understand that he writes with purpose, and not as a tell all. A tell all book of Jesus would surely be a lengthy volume.

But back to the main point about memoirs, and why I’m actually thinking about them: A good memoir would hold others in respect, and therefore would not be out to embarrass anyone. It again all depends on the writer, their take on life, what they think is respectful or not. And not all actions in life are worthy of respect, for sure. We can at least still look, long for, or regret the lack of redemption for an individual. Again I go back to the gospel accounts and think of Judas Iscariot. He ends up rather unseemly all the way, though not all that much is said. He was a thief, it seemed like the love of money was the idol that ruled his life and was his demise. The story told of him ends up being edifying toward helping others to avoid his path. I can well imagine if this is possible, Judas now wanting that to be so, although my view of the afterlife, subject to revision, is that likely this is not the case, given the nature of what Judas might be going through, as well as the fact that people in their character do not change in the afterlife. Jesus’s parable of the beggar Lazarus and the rich man might indicate otherwise, except that I’m not certain that parable was told as a window to the afterlife, but to simply make a point about this life.

And so I’m thinking about trying my hand at a memoir. Not a lengthy one, but one which like my blog might help a few along their way, and might help me to make more sense of the way I’ve been on, and still am. In and through Jesus.

 

prayer for Trinity Sunday

Almighty and everlasting God, you have given to us your servants grace, by the confession of a true faith, to acknowledge the glory of the eternal Trinity, and in the power of your divine Majesty to worship the Unity: Keep us steadfast in this faith and worship, and bring us at last to see you in your one and eternal glory, O Father; who with the Son and the Holy Spirit live and reign, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Book of Common Prayer

always pray

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. He said: “In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared God nor cared what people thought. And there was a widow in that town who kept coming to him with the plea, ‘Grant me justice against my adversary.’

“For some time he refused. But finally he said to himself, ‘Even though I don’t fear God or care what people think, yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will see that she gets justice, so that she won’t eventually come and attack me!’”

And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

Luke 18

Jesus seems to present two alternatives in this parable told to his disciples. We either pray or we give up, one or the other. And the plea here is for justice, for what is right, and I would add to that, what is good. Shalom is the transliterated Hebrew word for peace which includes prosperity and flourishing, along with the absence of conflict. Certainly justice and righteousness are at the heart of that.

The need to always pray implies that there will always be a need in this present life for justice, in this context in terms of getting one’s rights, and usually in scripture always inclusive of others, especially those who are often on the short end of that, in scripture that being orphans, widows, and refugees (or strangers/aliens).

And so our call is to pray, and not give up, not lose heart (NRSV). And Jesus clearly suggests that to pray is to have faith, and to not pray is to be lacking in it, to have little or no faith at all. And along with that is an implied contrast. The unjust judge reluctantly provides justice in the story, actually out of self-interest. Since that is the case, the question is asked, how much more will God provide the same to his people, who continue to pray to him? But Jesus then suggests that even though this is the case, it is not certain that even God’s people will pray at least as they ought to.

This helps me see both the importance, as well as the difficulty in continuing in this kind of prayer. In this world one can look only to God for a final resolution to everything. And even for the grace to carry on when one is shortchanged in this life. That is the challenge for me: to pray at all, and to keep praying. It is easy either to drift along thinking all is well enough and under control, or to be overwhelmed with problems to the point in which one is tempted to give up. Instead God wants us to pray, and to continue in prayer. A true test of our faith. In and through Jesus.

 

 

making the most of what is

It is easy for me to think of what might have been if I had done this or that, or not done something else. It’s all too easy for me to dwell on that. “What if?” might be an interesting exercise, but it ends up being more like a game than a player in reality, not helpful at all. Probably I would have been quite different, at least in what I do had I made this or that choice. I certainly wouldn’t have ended up writing this.

We do well to make the most of what is, rather than wasting any time over what might have been. We actually can ill afford any luxury of dreaming of what might have been, which in itself is perhaps rather a fool’s errand anyhow, since there is enough trouble in this world to go around for all. Some might indeed be better set in some ways, and devoted to all kinds of good works for others, though none of us are excused from doing good works out of faith and love. But all face difficulties at the least, and tragedy along with pitfalls are no respecter of persons or status. And we who seem on the short end of life in some ways should be glad for the blessing of others. And like Paul said (1 Timothy 6), encourage the rich to do good with the resources and opportunities they have.

But we need to see the good in our situation as well, including what is not ideal. God works through weakness and in difficulties in ways God may not have worked otherwise. Need often brings about a faith which otherwise would not have come. I think of some of the accounts in the gospel, quite a few of them, actually, where people appealed to Jesus out of great need. And the Laodicean church which was rich and prosperous in the eyes of the world was poor and impoverished in Christ’s eyes.

But we need also to get away from comparing, period, somehow imagining our situation is better than that of others. We ultimately are in this all together anyhow, as those in Jesus. Our lot is what it is, and we need to find God’s will and Jesus in the midst of it. To mind our own business, so to speak, and seek to do well where we’re at. To grow there through the gospel in and through Jesus.